Bully Mother-in-Law?
There is a probability that your husband’s beloved mother is a bully. Unfortunately, if this is the case then it is your misfortune.
You may observe that your bully mother-in-law resents you, and as a result of that, in covert or not so coveted fashion she will do everything possible to make your miserable. She derives joy in your unhappiness. For her, nothing you do can be correct. She will complain to anyone ready to listen to her that you aren’t raising her beloved grandchildren to the high standards she expects. She will loudly complain that you aren’t paying sufficient attention to her darling son. Unfortunately, in her opinion, the focus of your attention is your parents and your siblings.
Frequently families have a problem in recognizing that the mother-in-law is a bully. The family assumes that since she is older, wiser and more experienced she is correct, even your husband and his family side with her. Unfortunately, your husband may also accept that his mother is a bully, but requests you to “bear” with it for the sake of family harmony.
It is important to understand what is bullying? Bullying is unacceptable behavior among children or adults. Bullying is the use of force, coercion, threats, intimidation or aggressive behavior to dominate or subjugate others.
The following seven points are signals that your mother-in-law is a bully.
If you observe these behaviors in her; it is an opportune moment to meet with an experienced marriage counselor:
- She complains about you to her son (your husband)
- She feels that you aren’t raising her grandchildren correctly
- If you are a stay at home mother, she accuses you of being lazy, if you are a working mother, she accuses you of not prioritizing your children and husband
- She favors one grandchild over the other, she giving one grandchild more gifts than the other
- Whenever she calls, she speaks to her son only, even when she visits, she tends to ignore you
- She manipulates you and your husband, by crying pouting and misbehaving till she gets her way
- She saying mean and hurtful things about you, she may say these directly to you also
What should you do?
If you feel that your mother-in-law is a bully, then the first person you need to talk to is your husband. It is his moral duty and responsibility to address these issues with his mother and act as a buffer between you and her. At the time of marriage, he vowed to protect you, and this starts right now with keeping his mother in-check.
If you find that the stress of dealing with a “bully” mother-in-law is taking a toll on your mental wellness, it is an excellent opportunity to meet with an experienced psychologist.
Also read the blog on Bully Daughter-in-law
“You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as a professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need” – Dr. Prerna Kohli.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness, and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with a solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
