As parents, we all know the frustration of dealing with tantrums. In the heat of the moment, it’s tempting to reach for a quick fix: a phone with a captivating game, a tablet loaded with their favorite cartoon. But new research suggests this common strategy, using digital devices to calm children down, might actually hinder their ability to manage emotions in the long run.
Let’s delve into the science behind this and explore some alternative approaches to support your child’s emotional development.
The Study: Screens vs. Self-Regulation Skills
A recent study published in the journal Frontiers in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry [1] investigated the link between how parents use digital devices to manage their child’s emotions (parental digital emotion regulation or PDER) and the child’s ability to self-regulate. Self-regulation refers to a child’s capacity to manage their emotions, control impulses, and focus attention. These are crucial skills for navigating life’s ups and downs.
The researchers found that children whose parents used digital devices more frequently to calm them down during tantrums tended to have:
- Greater difficulty managing anger and frustration a year later.
- Lower effortful control, meaning a weaker ability to focus attention, control impulses, and regulate their behavior.
This suggests that relying on screens as a calming tool might backfire, hindering the development of crucial self-regulation skills.
Why Screens Might Not Be the Answer
There are a few reasons why screens might not be the best solution for tantrums.
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Passive Distraction vs. Active Learning: Digital devices provide a quick distraction, taking the child’s mind off their frustration. However, they don’t teach them how to actually deal with the underlying emotions. This is akin to putting a bandaid on a deeper issue.
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Missed Opportunities for Emotional Coaching: When parents use screens, they miss an opportunity to coach their children through their emotions. This coaching involves helping them identify their feelings, understand the reasons behind them, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
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Increased Screen Time, Lower Self-Regulation: While the current study couldn’t definitively separate the effects of PDER from screen time itself, other research suggests a link between excessive screen time and lower self-regulation skills [2].
Alternative Approaches to Calming Tantrums
So, what can you do instead of reaching for the phone when your child has a meltdown? Here are some evidence-based strategies:
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Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions by saying things like “I see you’re feeling frustrated” or “It’s okay to be angry right now.” This helps them feel heard and understood.
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Offer Choices and Limits: Provide your child with choices when possible (“Do you want to take a few deep breaths or take a break in your room?”). However, be clear about boundaries (“We can’t hit, but we can stomp our feet if we’re angry”).
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Use Calming Techniques: Teach your child simple calming techniques like deep breathing exercises, counting to ten, or taking a short break in a quiet space.
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Model Emotional Regulation: Children learn by observing adults. When you manage your own frustrations calmly, it sets a good example for them.
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Positive Reinforcement: When your child manages their emotions in a healthy way, praise them for their effort. This reinforces positive coping mechanisms.
Seeking Professional Help
Remember, you’re not alone in this. If you’re struggling to manage your child’s tantrums, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. A child psychologist can provide personalized guidance and support.
Conclusion
While digital devices might seem like a convenient way to calm children down in the moment, research suggests they might be hindering their development of crucial self-regulation skills. By using alternative strategies like emotional validation, offering choices, and teaching calming techniques, you can equip your child with the tools they need to navigate their emotions effectively.
Additional Resources:
- American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: https://www.aacap.org/
- The National Institute of Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/
Please note: This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for personalized guidance on your child’s emotional development.
Citations:
- [Study mentioned earlier about parental use of digital devices to regulate children’s emotions]
- [Other relevant research on screen time and self-regulation]
Author: Kohli, Prerna, PhD
