Talking to your preteen about sex is an important responsibility as a parent. The advice in this article will cover the age for 8-12 years of age, which are generally considered to be the preteen years. Please take into account that each child is different and matures at different milestones, so you conversation about sex with your child will need to be tailored specifically to their level of understanding and maturity.
In a previous article, I wrote about sex education for toddlers, this article is in continuation of the earlier.
It is unfortunate that many children learn about sex from anyone other than their parents. Playground talk, at best is inadequate and most likely will grossly ill inform your child about sex, and certainly will not impact the values that you would like to inculcate in your child regarding sex. It is my opinion that the parent is best equipped to explain sex to their child and impart your families values regarding sex to them.
Sex Education is not a marathon:
Don’t be under the misconception that sex education is one marathon discussion lasting for a couple of hours. Moreover, sex education for your preteen is an ongoing activity, best delivered in small nuggets.
Give Facts and Details:
Gentle explain to your child about reproduction and intercourse. Explain the process of creation of life, and preserve their innocence.
Refer to a book:
If you feel uncomfortable discussing sex with your preteen, purchase a book on the subject, and the both of you can read it together, and you can explain to them referring to this book.
Questions you may be asked:
Below are several questions that your preteen may ask about sex and some answers that you can give.
What is an erection?
You can answer this by saying that mostly a boy’s penis is soft, sometimes it gets hard and stands away from the body. This is an erection, this is also a good time to explain what a wet dream is.
What’s a period?
You can answer this by saying, “A period means that a girl’s body is mature enough to become pregnant.” You might offer details on bleeding and feminine hygiene products, thereby reducing the awkwardness when feminine sanitary pads are advertised on TV.
How do people have sex?
You can answer this by saying “The man puts his penis inside the woman’s vagina.” You can refer to age-appropriate books that you have purchased for your preteen on sex.
What’s masturbation?
You can answer this by saying “Masturbation is when a boy rubs his penis or a girl rubs her clitoris”. Remind your child that masturbation is a normal — but private — activity.
What is homosexuality?
You can answer this by saying “when a man has sex with another man or a woman has sex with another woman”
Preteen uncertainty:
Preteens will have a lot of anxiety about their bodies being normal. Girls will be stressed about their breasts size, and boys will stress about their penis and testicles side. As parent, you need to explain that puberty comes to different people at different times. Thus, during puberty body goes through changes.
In conclusion, use everyday instances from TV and movies to explain about relationships, dating, and marriage. Sex education for your preteen is an ongoing activity. Hence it’s not to be embarrassed about nor should it be a taboo topic.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
