If you have waited till your child is a teenager to discuss sex and sex education with them, it is most probably too late. Sex education for your child should have started when they were toddlers, and reinforced while they were preteens. Starting to educate your child about sex when they are between the ages of 13-19 is late. The work cut out for you will be much tougher. But all is not lost. It is better to start late than never.
Having delayed the discussion about sex with your child for so many years, you will notice that their knowledge and awareness of sex is something that they have picked up from peers, porn or other unreliable sources, and it will take time and effort to clear any distorted point of view that they may have.
Here a few tips:
Seize the moment: If there is a advertisement on television for condoms, or a television or movie show that is about relationships, this is an opportune way of starting the discussion.
Be honest: If you are uncomfortable discussing issues, please be honest about it and tell them that it is important to have an open channel of communications
Be direct: Discuss your opinion about oral sex or intercourse, and share your and your families moral values on the subject
Listen to their point of view: This is not a time to lecture or enforce your points on them, but to listen to their points of view and also their challenges and concerns
Move beyond the facts: It is important to discuss about the emotions, values, feels and relationships and not just about the physicality of sex
Leave the door open for future discussions: Let your child know that they can reach out to you any time it them want to discuss anything with you
A few of the questions you may be asked are:
What if my boyfriend / girlfriend is pressurizing me for sex? Explain to them that sex should never be out of fear, obligation or a tool to hold on to someone. Forced sex even with a boyfriend/girlfriend is rape. Also drugs and alcohol reduce the ability to make sane decisions. Thus, decisions about sex should not be made while either consuming drugs or alcohol.
Am I gay? Explain to them as they mature to be attract to the same sex is not classified as being a homosexual. These feelings evolve as one matures, and they will determine the sexuality with time.
When will I be ready for sex? There is no shame in delaying sex. While there may be a lot of peer pressure to partake in sex there is no need to rush into it.
Remember, as a parent, it is important to educate your child to stay away from risky behaviors regarding drugs, alcohol and other intoxicants, and to imbibe you and your family’s values about sex with them. The channel of communication between you and your teenager must always be open and secure.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
