When a parent for the first time learns that their child whether son or daughter is a homosexual, they go through 4 different stages of grief and pain and finally and hopefully the fifth stage of acceptance.
When a child first comes out of the closet to you and admits to you that they are gay, you as a parent will go through five different stages. The objective is to move as quickly as possible through the first four stages and as quickly as possible come to the final stage i.e. the stage of acceptance.
The first stage is Denial
As soon as a parent learns either directly from their child, or from someone else or by an accidental method that their child is gay, there is a complete degree of denial. They believe that there is some mistake, or the child was experimenting or going through a phase. There is a complete denial that their child could be gay.
The second stage is Anger
The second stage is of anger. They blame other people of casting a spell, of being jealous of their family’s success. They are angry with God, as to why God let this happen to them.
The third stage is Bargaining or Questioning
This stage is bargaining with God, God, I will do this or that if you fix my son. There is bargaining with the child, we will give you all these things (or deny you our property) if you become straight. Other parents will seek appointments from doctors and therapists to change the sexual orientation of their child. They will question their relationship with the child and or their spouse. The mother may blame the father for not being a good role model, or the father may blame the mother for being over protective of the son.
The fourth stage is Depression
This stage is when you are overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. The loss of not having grandchildren, or a grand wedding for your child. The loss of face in society (friends and relatives) is disheartening. You yourself may feel suicidal. You start to feel the real pain and the pain is similar of that of death of near and dear one.
The firth stage is Acceptance
All healing in mind and spirit comes from acceptance. You need to accept that your child may be gay, but you love him (or her) nevertheless. Your love for your child is unconditional and not shallow that it is dependant on what society has to say or whether you have grandchildren.
It will be far more fulfilling to see you child in a loving and nurturing gay relationship instead of being in an loveless forced marriage or a life of singlehood.
Counselling from an experienced Psychologist will help you, your spouse, your gay child and his or her siblings accept quicker and move to the stage of acceptance quicker. This will be healthier for all of you.
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All images are courtesy Pixabay
