Parents often arrive worried, exhausted, and quietly blaming themselves — convinced they have somehow failed, or that their child is simply “bad.” Neither is usually true. Difficult behaviour is nearly always a child’s best available attempt to cope with something they do not have the words or skills to handle. Dr. Prerna Kohli has worked with children, adolescents, and their families for over 30 years in Gurgaon, treating the behaviour as the starting point of understanding rather than the whole problem.

What behavioural problems can look like

Behavioural difficulties show up in many forms, at different ages:

• Aggression — hitting, tantrums beyond the expected age, or explosive anger
• Defiance — persistent refusal, rule-breaking, or conflict with authority
• Withdrawal — becoming quiet, isolated, or disconnected from family and friends
• School difficulties — refusal, falling grades, or trouble with peers or teachers
• Self-destructive behaviour — which should always be taken seriously and assessed promptly

What’s usually underneath

Beneath difficult behaviour there is almost always an unmet need or an unexpressed feeling: anxiety, sadness, or fear the child cannot name; a reaction to stress or change at home or school; bullying or social struggles; or, sometimes, an underlying condition that has not yet been recognised. Punishment alone rarely works with any of these, because it addresses the surface behaviour while leaving the real driver untouched — which is why the same problems tend to return.

How it’s addressed — the child and the family together

Children do not exist in isolation, so the most effective work involves the whole family system, not the child alone. Dr. Kohli works to understand what the behaviour is communicating, helps the child build the emotional skills and language they are missing, and supports parents with practical, compassionate strategies that reduce conflict and rebuild connection at home. The aim is not merely a quieter household, but a child who feels understood and better equipped — which is what makes the change last.

When to reach out

It is worth seeking help if difficult behaviour is persistent, escalating, affecting your child’s schooling or friendships, or straining family life — and always promptly if there is any sign of self-harm. Reaching out early is not an overreaction; it is often what prevents a hard phase from becoming an entrenched pattern.

Related: explore Dr. Kohli’s parenting & child resource hub for more on supporting children through difficulty.

A word to parents

If your child’s behaviour has been difficult, you have likely absorbed a good deal of worry, frustration, and quiet self-blame — and perhaps plenty of unhelpful judgment from others. None of that is deserved. Seeking help is not an admission that you have failed as a parent; it is one of the most caring and effective things you can do. Very often, the parents leave with as much relief as the child — because understanding what has been happening, and having a clear way forward, lifts a weight that is hard to carry alone.