Bullying is far from a harmless "part of growing up." For a child who is bullied, the effects can be serious and lasting: anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, sleep and appetite changes, falling school performance, reluctance to go to school, and withdrawal from friends and family. In severe cases it can contribute to lasting trauma. Research that has followed people for decades shows the impact can reach well into adulthood. The encouraging news is that a supportive, listening parent makes an enormous difference — and the harm is far from inevitable when a child feels heard, believed and protected. If you notice signs of distress in your child, taking them seriously early, and seeking professional help when needed, can change the course entirely.
For a long time, bullying was waved away as a normal childhood rite of passage — something every child endures and simply grows out of. We now know that's not true. Bullying is the repeated use of aggression, intimidation or exclusion to dominate someone who can't easily defend themselves, and for the child on the receiving end it can leave deep and lasting marks. Understanding those effects — and recognising them early — is one of the most important things a parent can do.
What counts as bullying: it can be verbal (name-calling, taunting, threats), physical (hitting, pushing, damaging belongings), social (deliberate exclusion, spreading rumours, turning others against a child), or online (cyberbullying). What makes it bullying — rather than an ordinary falling-out — is that it is repeated and involves an imbalance of power.
How bullying affects a child
Children don't always say they're being bullied — often they hide it out of shame or fear. The effects, though, tend to show, if you know what to look for.
Anxiety and fearfulness
A bullied child often becomes anxious, on edge or clingy, may dread school, and can develop physical signs of stress like stomach aches or headaches with no medical cause.
Falling self-esteem
Repeated belittling chips away at a child's sense of worth. They may start to believe the cruel things said about them, becoming self-critical and withdrawn.
Low mood and depression
Persistent bullying can lead to sadness, hopelessness and loss of interest in things they once enjoyed — in more serious cases, depression that needs proper support.
Sleep and appetite changes
Disturbed sleep, nightmares, or changes in eating can all be signs that a child is carrying distress they haven't been able to put into words.
School avoidance and falling grades
A child being bullied may suddenly resist going to school, make excuses to stay home, or see their concentration and grades slip as fear takes up the space meant for learning.
Withdrawal and loneliness
They may pull away from friends and family, lose confidence socially, and become quieter or more isolated than usual.
The effects can last into adulthood
Perhaps the most important reason to take childhood bullying seriously is how long its shadow can stretch. A landmark British study that followed people for five decades found that those bullied in childhood had poorer mental, physical and cognitive health well into midlife — around forty years later — including higher rates of depression and anxiety, and effects that reached into their relationships and working lives (Takizawa et al., American Journal of Psychiatry, 2014). These are observational findings rather than proof of direct cause, but the consistency across large, long-term studies is striking — and it's a powerful argument for acting early rather than hoping a child will simply "get over it."
It isn't only the bullied child who is affected
While the child who is bullied carries the heaviest burden, bullying touches everyone involved. A child who bullies others is often signalling their own difficulties — and without help, patterns of aggression can follow them into adulthood and harm their relationships and prospects. Even the bystanders who witness bullying can be affected, left anxious, guilty or desensitised. Seen this way, bullying is a problem for a whole school community, not just two children — which is why addressing it matters for all of them.
The single most protective thing you can offer is to listen, believe them, and reassure them it isn't their fault. Keep calm, document what's happening, and work with the school. And if you notice signs of anxiety, depression or lasting distress, please don't wait it out — a consultation with Dr. Kohli can help your child process what's happened and rebuild their confidence. Early support genuinely changes outcomes.
Key takeaways
- Bullying is not a harmless rite of passage — for a bullied child the effects can be serious and lasting.
- Watch for anxiety, falling self-esteem, low mood, sleep or appetite changes, school avoidance and withdrawal.
- Long-term research shows effects can reach into adulthood, including depression and anxiety decades later.
- The child who bullies, and even bystanders, are affected too — it's a whole-community issue.
- A listening, believing parent is hugely protective; seek professional help early if distress shows.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my child is being bullied?
Children often hide bullying, so watch for changes rather than waiting to be told: reluctance to go to school, unexplained stomach aches or headaches, disturbed sleep, lost or damaged belongings, falling grades, becoming withdrawn or unusually anxious, or losing interest in things they enjoyed. Any sudden, unexplained change in mood or behaviour is worth gently exploring.
Can bullying really have long-term effects?
Yes. Large studies that have followed people for decades have linked childhood bullying with poorer mental health well into adulthood, including higher rates of depression and anxiety. While these are associations rather than proof of direct cause, the consistency of the evidence is a strong reason to take bullying seriously and act early.
What should I do if I find out my child is being bullied?
Stay calm, listen, and reassure your child that it isn't their fault and that you'll help. Avoid reacting with anger, which can make a child reluctant to confide further. Note down what's happening — dates, details, anyone who witnessed it — and work with the school. If your child shows signs of anxiety, depression or ongoing distress, seek professional support.
Should I get professional help for my bullied child?
It can help a great deal, especially if your child is showing signs of anxiety, low mood, withdrawal or distress that isn't easing. A psychologist can help them process the experience, rebuild self-esteem and develop coping skills. Early support makes a real difference to how a child recovers — reaching out is a protective, caring step.
If your child is struggling with bullying, you don't have to navigate it alone — and the right support early can change everything. Dr. Prerna Kohli offers warm, confidential help for children and families, in person in Gurugram and online across India and for NRIs worldwide.
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About the author
Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of practice, based in Gurugram. She holds a PhD from Aligarh Muslim University, where she was a four-time gold medallist, and received the "100 Women Achievers of India" award from the President of India in 2016. A TEDx speaker and published author, she works with individuals, couples, and families through her private practice — in clinic in Gurugram and online worldwide — with a particular speciality in NRI mental health.