Bullying Prevention: What Indian Parents Need to Know— and What Actually Helps
By Dr. Prerna Kohli | Clinical Psychologist, Gurugram | Updated June 2026
Bullying is not a rite of passage and it is not something children simply need to toughen up and get through. It is a pattern of repeated, intentional harm— physical, verbal, relational, or digital— directed at a child who finds it difficult to defend themselves. Its psychological consequences are well-documented and significant: anxiety, depression, school refusal, damaged self-esteem, and in serious cases, long-term mental health difficulties that extend well into adulthood.
In India, bullying in schools is significantly underreported— partly because of cultural attitudes that frame it as normal peer interaction, partly because schools have limited formal anti-bullying infrastructure, and partly because children carry it alone rather than disclose it. The parent's role in prevention and response is correspondingly more important, and more demanding, than in environments with stronger institutional support.
The most telling sign that a child is being bullied is not what they say— most bullied children say nothing— but what changes. Watch for unexplained reluctance to go to school, withdrawal from friends, changes in mood after using their phone, sleep disturbances, and physical complaints that cluster around school time. Children who are being bullied rarely disclose it directly. The changes in their behaviour are usually the only visible signal, and parents who know what to look for are significantly more likely to catch it early.Dr. Prerna Kohli, PhD— Clinical Psychologist, in practice since 1993
Signs Your Child May Be Being Bullied
Because bullied children so rarely disclose directly, knowing the behavioural signs is essential. None of these alone confirms bullying— but a cluster of them, or any one of them that is new and persistent, warrants a calm, open conversation.
Why Children Don't Tell Their Parents— and What To Do About It
Understanding why children stay silent about bullying is the key to creating the conditions in which they are more likely to disclose. The most common reasons:
- Fear of making it worse. The child's most rational concern is that a parent's reaction— confronting the school, the other parents, or the bully directly— will escalate rather than resolve the situation. This fear is often correct, and parental responses that prioritise the parent's anger over the child's safety can indeed worsen things.
- Shame at being targeted. Many bullied children absorb the implicit message that being bullied reflects something wrong with them— that they are weak, different, or deserving of it. Shame about being a target is a significant barrier to disclosure.
- Previous unhelpful responses. Children who have been told to "stand up for yourself," "ignore them," or "don't be so sensitive"— however well-intentioned— have learned that disclosure produces advice rather than support, and stop trying.
- Belief that parents cannot help. Older children and adolescents in particular may feel that parental involvement will be ineffective or embarrassing. Building a track record of measured, effective responses to smaller disclosures creates the trust that makes disclosure of bigger ones more likely.
The most important long-term preventive factor is not any specific anti-bullying conversation— it is the overall quality of the parent-child relationship. A child who trusts that their parent will receive difficult news calmly, believe them without minimising, and respond in ways that actually help rather than react in ways that make things worse, is significantly more likely to disclose when something is wrong.
"His mother brought him to me because his grades had dropped sharply over one term and he had stopped wanting to go to school. He was thirteen. When she told me this, she added: 'But he says nothing is wrong. He just says school is boring now.' In our first session alone, within twenty minutes, he told me he had been systematically excluded from his friend group for four months— left out of plans, mocked in a group chat, given the silent treatment when he tried to join conversations. Classic relational bullying, invisible to adults."
"When I asked why he hadn't told his mother, his answer was immediate: 'She'd go to school and make a scene. Then it would be worse.' He had made a rational calculation— that disclosure would cost him more than silence. He was, frankly, probably right about how his mother would have responded, based on what I later came to know about her."
"We worked on two tracks simultaneously: helping him develop strategies for navigating the social situation, and helping his mother understand what kind of response would actually make disclosure safe for him. 'When he comes to you with something,' I told her, 'your first job is to listen, not to act. He needs to know that telling you won't make things worse before he'll tell you things.' It took three sessions for him to begin talking to her directly. It took six more for the social situation at school to significantly improve. But the turning point was not any intervention at school— it was the moment he felt safe enough to tell her."
What Parents Can Do: For the Bullied Child
Listen Before You Act
When a child discloses bullying, the parent's instinct is to act— to call the school, confront the other parents, make it stop. Resist this instinct initially. The child needs to feel fully heard and believed before any action is taken. "Tell me everything. I'm not going to do anything without talking to you first about what you want to do"— this framing keeps the child in control and makes further disclosure more likely.
Believe Them— Completely
Do not minimise, qualify, or suggest that the child may have misunderstood the situation. "Are you sure they meant it that way?" and "kids can be thoughtless, maybe they didn't mean to exclude you" are responses that communicate disbelief and shut down disclosure. Whatever the full picture turns out to be, your child's experience of the situation is real and deserves unconditional belief.
Document Everything
Before approaching the school, document all incidents— dates, what happened, who was involved, any witnesses, and any physical evidence including screenshots of cyberbullying. This documentation is essential for a formal school complaint to be taken seriously. Verbal complaints are too easily acknowledged and then deprioritised.
Involve the School Formally and in Writing
Write to the school principal formally— not a conversation at the gate, not a WhatsApp message to the class teacher. A formal written complaint creates a record, requires a formal response, and signals that you are taking this seriously and expect the school to as well. Request a meeting, bring your documentation, and ask specifically what the school's anti-bullying policy is and how they will implement it.
Build Confidence and Connection Outside School
While the school situation is being addressed, actively build your child's confidence and social connections outside the bullying environment. Extracurricular activities, sports, arts, volunteer work— any context in which the child experiences success, belonging, and positive peer relationships counteracts the damage the bullying is doing to their self-image. A child who has a strong identity and social life outside school is significantly more resilient to bullying within it.
Teach Assertiveness— Not Aggression
Teaching a child to respond assertively to bullying— to look the bully in the eye, speak clearly and calmly, and disengage rather than either collapsing or escalating— is a practical skill that reduces vulnerability. This is different from telling a child to fight back, which typically escalates the situation and puts the child at risk of being disciplined. Practising specific responses at home, through role play, is more effective than abstract advice.
Bullying in India: The Specific Challenges
Why Bullying Is Particularly Difficult to Address in Indian Schools
"Boys will be boys" and the normalisation of bullying. In India, particularly for boys, a significant proportion of bullying behaviour is culturally normalised as rough play, teasing, or the natural pecking order of school life. This normalisation— by teachers, by parents, and sometimes by the bullied child themselves— delays recognition and response significantly.
Limited formal anti-bullying infrastructure. While the CBSE has issued guidelines on bullying prevention, implementation across Indian schools is highly variable. Many schools have no formal anti-bullying policy, no trained counsellor, and no clear reporting pathway. Parents dealing with bullying must often navigate school systems that lack the procedures and training to respond effectively.
The rise of cyberbullying. With near-universal smartphone access among Indian adolescents, cyberbullying has become a major and growing dimension of peer harassment— group chat exclusions, screenshot mockery, social media humiliation, and anonymous harassment. Cyberbullying is particularly damaging because it is persistent (following the child home), potentially anonymous (which is more destabilising), and reaches a wider audience than physical bullying. It is also actionable under the Indian IT Act, a fact that many parents and schools are unaware of.
Academic pressure creating bullying dynamics. India's intensely competitive academic environment creates fertile conditions for certain forms of bullying— the targeting of academically weaker children, the social exclusion of children who perform differently from the group norm, and the bullying of children who are perceived as different in any way that affects the group's competitive standing. The pressure to perform also makes children less likely to disclose bullying, as they do not want to add to their parents' burden or distract from academic focus.
What If Your Child Is the One Doing the Bullying?
This is harder to write about and harder to receive— but equally important. Children who bully are not simply bad children. They are children who, for some reason, have learned that power over others provides something they need— status, security, relief from their own powerlessness somewhere else, or the belonging that comes from a peer group that bullies together.
When a school reports that your child is bullying others, resist the instinct to minimise or assume the school is wrong. Take it seriously and investigate calmly— but take it seriously.
Ask what your child is getting from the bullying behaviour. Power? Belonging? Relief from being bullied elsewhere? Understanding the function is the first step to addressing it effectively.
Children who bully frequently do so because aggressive responses to conflict have been modelled at home, or because they experience powerlessness somewhere in their own life. Neither is a reason for blame— but both are important to examine honestly.
Make it explicit that bullying behaviour is not acceptable under any circumstances, and that there are consistent, meaningful consequences when it occurs. Inconsistent enforcement is worse than none.
The parent who finds out their child is being bullied and the parent who finds out their child is doing the bullying are both facing the same fundamental challenge: a child who is struggling in a way that has not yet been addressed. In one case the child is suffering; in the other, the child is causing suffering— but the underlying need for understanding, for skilled parental response, and in many cases for professional support, is the same. Neither situation is resolved by ignoring it, and neither is resolved by reacting without understanding.Dr. Prerna Kohli, PhD— Clinical Psychologist, in practice since 1993
The single most important thing a parent can do to protect their child from the worst consequences of bullying is to be the kind of parent their child will tell. Not the parent who has the most dramatic response to injustice— though that instinct is understandable— but the parent whose response is measured, whose first action is to listen, and whose child knows from experience that telling them makes things better rather than worse. That relationship, built over years through smaller disclosures, is the most powerful anti-bullying intervention available.Dr. Prerna Kohli, PhD— Clinical Psychologist, in practice since 1993
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my child is being bullied?
As Dr. Prerna Kohli explains: "The most telling sign is not what they say— most bullied children say nothing— but what changes. Watch for unexplained reluctance to go to school, coming home with damaged belongings, withdrawal from friends, mood changes after phone use, sleep disturbances, declining grades, and physical complaints that cluster around school time. Children who are being bullied rarely disclose it directly. The changes in their behaviour are usually the only visible signal."
Why don't children tell their parents they are being bullied?
Most commonly: fear of making things worse through parental overreaction; shame at being targeted; previous experiences of unhelpful responses ("stand up for yourself"); or the belief that parents cannot actually help. Creating an environment where the child trusts that disclosure will be received calmly and responded to in their best interests— rather than reactively— is the most important long-term preventive factor.
What should I do if my child is being bullied at school in India?
Dr. Prerna Kohli recommends: listen fully before reacting; believe them completely without minimising; document all incidents with dates and evidence; involve the school formally in writing rather than through informal conversations; work with your child on assertiveness skills; build confidence and connection outside school; and seek professional support if the bullying has been sustained or your child shows signs of anxiety, depression, or school refusal.
What should I do if my child is the one doing the bullying?
Take it seriously without catastrophising. Have a calm, direct conversation about what happened and its impact. Understand what function the bullying is serving— power, belonging, relief from powerlessness elsewhere. Examine the home environment for patterns. Set clear expectations with consistent consequences. If the behaviour persists, seek professional support. Bullying behaviour, addressed early, is highly responsive to intervention.
How is cyberbullying different and how should parents respond?
Cyberbullying follows the child home— there is no safe space when bullying occurs on devices in their bedroom. It can be anonymous, reaches a wider audience, and creates a permanent record. Parents should: maintain open conversations about online life; take screenshots of all incidents as evidence; report to the platform and the school; and in serious cases, report to police— cyberbullying is actionable under Indian IT law. Online safety conversations work best when started well before problems arise, not as a reaction to them.
The Parent's Role Is More Important Than Any School Policy
Schools matter. Policies matter. But no school policy reaches a child at 11pm when they are reading a cruel message in their room, or on a Monday morning when their stomach hurts because they do not want to face another day. What reaches a child in those moments is the relationship they have with their parents— and whether they believe, from experience, that telling their parent will help.
Building that relationship is the most important anti-bullying work a parent can do. It is not dramatic. It is not visible. But it is the work that matters most.
Concerned About Bullying Affecting Your Child?
Whether your child is being bullied or showing bullying behaviour, professional support can help the whole family navigate it effectively. I offer consultations from my practice in Gurugram, with online sessions available across India and internationally.
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About the author — Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of practice, based in Gurugram. She holds a PhD from Aligarh Muslim University, where she was a four-time gold medalist, and received the “100 Women Achievers of India” award from the President of India in 2016. A TEDx speaker and published author, she works with individuals, couples, and families through her private practice — in-clinic in Gurugram and online worldwide — with a particular speciality in NRI mental health.