Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something deeply important — and there's no single right way to do it. It can bring a confusing mix of emotions: sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, even relief. What helps is to acknowledge the loss rather than push it away, allow yourself to feel, lean on people you trust, keep some daily routine, and avoid numbing the pain with alcohol or substances. Grief usually eases gradually and in waves, not in a neat sequence of "stages." But when grief stays intense and disabling over a long period, or starts to look like depression, that's a sign to seek professional support. Whatever your loss, your grief is valid, and you don't have to carry it alone.
We all feel sadness from time to time, but grief is something deeper: the intense emotional response to losing someone or something of real significance. It most often follows the death of a loved one, but any meaningful loss — a relationship, health, a home, a way of life — can bring genuine grief. There is no single correct way to grieve; everyone's process is their own. Still, some approaches tend to help more than others, and understanding what grief is can make it a little easier to carry.
Healthy ways to cope with grief
- Acknowledge and accept the loss. Allowing the reality of it, rather than pushing it away, is the starting point of healing.
- Let yourself feel. Grief can trigger a wide and unexpected range of emotions — sadness, anger, guilt, numbness. Feeling them is a normal, healthy part of the process.
- Recognise that your way is your own. There's no "right" pace or pattern. Don't measure your grief against anyone else's.
- Lean on others. Seek the support of people you trust — isolation tends to deepen grief, while company eases it.
- Keep some routine. Small, ordinary anchors — a regular meal, a walk, a familiar task — help you stay functional while you heal.
- Avoid numbing the pain. Alcohol or other substances may dull grief for a moment, but they tend to prolong it and can begin a harmful cycle. Gentleness toward yourself works better than numbing.
The "stages" of grief — a framework, not a formula
The best-known model of grief comes from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who in 1969 described five responses people may have to loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It's a useful vocabulary for feelings that grief can bring — but it's widely misunderstood. Grief does not move through these as fixed, orderly steps. Not everyone experiences all of them, they don't arrive in sequence, and people often loop back and forth. Think of the stages as a map of possible emotions, not a checklist to complete.
Denial
An early sense of disbelief or numbness — a way the mind softens the first shock of loss.
Anger
Frustration or anger — at the situation, others, oneself, or even the person who died — as the pain begins to surface.
Bargaining
The "if only" and "what if" thoughts — a search for some way the loss could have been prevented or undone.
Depression
Deep sadness as the reality of the loss settles in — a natural part of grieving, distinct from clinical depression (see below).
Acceptance
Not "being okay" with the loss, but coming to live alongside it — able to remember with more peace than pain.
Grief versus depression — an important difference
Grief and depression share symptoms, which can make them hard to tell apart — but they're not the same. Grief tends to come in waves: it recedes and returns, often triggered by a memory or a date, and usually has good days mixed with the bad. Over time it softens, and memories of the person can begin to bring warmth alongside the ache. Depression is more constant — a persistent low mood and loss of interest that doesn't lift in the same way. When grief stays unrelenting, with no respite and no easing over months, it may have tipped into depression, and that's worth taking seriously.
Complicated or prolonged grief: for most people, grief gradually becomes more bearable. But sometimes it doesn't — it stays at the centre of life, intense and disabling, long after the loss, making it hard to function. This is now recognised as a condition in its own right (prolonged grief disorder), and it responds well to professional support. If your grief feels stuck or all-consuming, reaching out isn't weakness — it's the same good sense as seeing a doctor for a wound that won't heal.
Grief is natural and usually eases with time, love and patience. But if yours feels overwhelming, isn't lifting over a long period, is starting to look like depression, or is making daily life hard to manage, professional support genuinely helps. A consultation with Dr. Kohli offers a confidential, compassionate space to process your loss and find your way forward.
Key takeaways
- Grief is the natural response to a meaningful loss — there's no single right way to do it.
- Coping well means acknowledging the loss, allowing your feelings, leaning on others, keeping routine, and not numbing the pain.
- The five "stages" are a framework of possible emotions, not a fixed sequence — grief is non-linear.
- Grief comes in waves with good and bad days; depression is more constant — knowing the difference matters.
- If grief stays intense and disabling, that may be prolonged grief, which responds well to professional help.
Frequently asked questions
How long does grief last?
There's no fixed timetable. Some people begin to feel steadier in weeks or months; for others it takes much longer, and waves of grief can return around anniversaries or reminders for years. What matters is the overall direction — a gradual softening over time. If grief stays as raw and disabling as the first days, long after the loss, it's worth seeking support.
Is it normal to feel relief, or no tears at all?
Yes. Grief takes many forms. Relief is common — especially after a long illness — and doesn't mean you loved the person any less. Some people cry constantly; others feel numb or can't cry at all. None of these is "wrong." Your grief is your own, and there's no correct way to express it.
How do I know if it's grief or depression?
Grief usually moves in waves — it eases and returns, with some lighter moments — and softens over time. Depression tends to be more constant: a persistent low mood and loss of interest that doesn't lift. If your low mood is unrelenting, with no respite over an extended period, or you feel unable to function, it's worth speaking to a professional, who can help you tell the difference and find support.
When should I seek professional help for grief?
Consider it if your grief feels overwhelming, isn't easing at all over a long period, is starting to resemble depression, or is seriously affecting your ability to live day to day. Seeking help doesn't mean something is wrong with how you're grieving — it simply gives you support and a space to heal.
Grief is one of the hardest things we carry — and you don't have to carry it alone. Dr. Prerna Kohli offers warm, confidential support to help you process loss and find your footing again, in person in Gurugram and online across India and for NRIs worldwide.
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About the author
Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of practice, based in Gurugram. She holds a PhD from Aligarh Muslim University, where she was a four-time gold medallist, and received the "100 Women Achievers of India" award from the President of India in 2016. A TEDx speaker and published author, she works with individuals, couples, and families through her private practice — in clinic in Gurugram and online worldwide — with a particular speciality in NRI mental health.